How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
