I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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