Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
