I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
