dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
