What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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