So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
