TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
