Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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