that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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