Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
