You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
