Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
