her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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