Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
