My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
