Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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