if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
