My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
