he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
