I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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