I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
