is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
