Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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