She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
