All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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