We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
