My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
