you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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