the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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