we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
