3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
