Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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