I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
