I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
