Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
