My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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