His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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