Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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