literally had 100 drinks last night.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
