i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
