when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
