best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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