Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
