East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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