I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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