i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
