he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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