I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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