Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
