yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
