Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
